"No man can [love] two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other."
I have always been somewhat of an idealist. I would like to think that there is a certain way that things should be and that God has selected me to enforce that way on everyone else. Am I alone? Anyway, with each new day the Lord gives me I consistently come up against things that challenge my idealist world. These things that challenge me are normally people, and these people are normally my family. Its not normally a bad sort of challenge. Its just moments when I realize that I can either cling to my idealist world and lose connection with a person I love, or, lose my idealism and stay in connected relationship. When I spell it out like that, the choice is obvious. But, in reality I am finding it to be much more difficult. Let me give you an example.
My wife and I have been witnessing an interesting phenomenon regarding our children and the way that they need and receive love. My son Samuel from the moment he was born has been a cuddleler. He has not needed much in life but to be held and loved on. For the first year or so of his life, he slept in our bed. He was a very good sleeper and rarely cried. Eventually we moved him to a bed right next to ours. We felt like that was what he needed so thats what we did. My daughter Simone is very different than Samuel. She loves to be held but finds it difficult to be still unless you are moving. If you hold still she will do her best to move you. She was born running and has yet to slow down. Sleep does not come easy for Simone. She seems to favor power naps seeing as how there is so much to do. Who has time for sleep? Not Simone. We thought that being near her would help her sleep so we let her stay in bed with us just like we did with Samuel. That has all changed because we are now finding that what she needs is to be in her own bed separate from us where she can decide if she wants to go to sleep or stay awake. At first, she spent a lot of time in her bed awake, letting us know that she was awake. But she has decided - for the most part - that it is better to sleep than to complain when she is in her bed.
It is very interesting to me that I tried to love Simone in the way that I had loved Samuel. But what Simone needed was for me to learn her unique little heart so that I could love her in the way that she needed. Turns out, while she very much enjoys being held at night, life is too exciting and the prospect of being able to socialize with Mom and Dad at 3am is just too hard to resist. But if you put her in a boring crib, while she may resent it, she sleeps better because she has fewer options. Loving someone does not always mean that they will perceive it as love but it does require that you understand that persons needs - especially when I am the parent and Simone does not yet know what she needs. Right?
Looking at this I realized that I do this often in life. Instead of having a heart that is inclined and sensitive to the unique needs of those around me, I decide in my head the way things ought to be and try to make those around me fit into my ideal idea. I have to ask myself in these moments, what am I holding to? What am I despising? If I find myself offended at the person in front of me I am obviously holding to something other than love. I can not serve both my idea of the "truth" and love at the same time. Only living in the present and being responsive to the heart of Jesus within me towards the heart in front of me is truly loving. To live out of a preconceived idea is to live in the past where neither love nor Jesus exist. Only in the present can I experience His presence. And He is love. What I do unto my neighbor I do to Him - even what I do to the very least of my neighbors. I do not think that is some abstract saying. I think that Jesus is saying that every time we love someone we are loving Him. In turn, when we open our hearts and receive love from others, we are being loved by Him. God is love. There is no love that exists that is not Him - personally and wholly.
Early the other morning I was having a time of silence and was experiencing some frustration because I felt like I was missing His present presence for some unknown reason. I was thinking about trying something different when Samuel woke-up and came out of the bedroom. He climbed onto my lap quietly and just laid there. I continued my spiritual fumbling unaware that Samuel was watching me when he said, "Daddy, what are thinking about?" I looked down and he was staring back up at me with concerned eyes. Obviously my struggle was apparent on my face. I decided to do something that I very rarely do and stepped into the present and shared my heart with Sam. I said, "well, I know that Jesus is here and that He loves me but I don't really feel like it. I am frustrated because I can't see Him or hear Him." He thought about it for a moment and said, "well, we can't see Him because we have stomachs." I chuckled and was about to dismiss what he had said as an indiscernible three-year-olds mind when suddenly I understood what he meant. Several months ago Samuel observed that God lived inside our bellies - something we had never talked to him about. The reality of what he was saying hit me hard and with tears in my eyes I said, "wow, so we can't see him because He lives inside of us?" Samuel laughed and said, "yeeah." He said it in a way that made me feel slightly silly that I did not immediately understand what he was saying. I then realized that the reason Jesus emphasized loving each other so much was because that is where we come to know Him; that is His heart. If I am to touch His heart I can do so by loving what He loves.
"...He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matthew 5:45b-48)
There is a parallel passage in Luke that says, "But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful (also translated: "tender mercy" the root of which is "to have compassion on" or to have "pity"." (Luke 6:35-36)
I have read that biblical scholars say that the essence of these passages is that our perfection is found in being merciful and compassionate to all - not just those who seem to deserve it. Because that is the Fathers heart toward the world. I don't want to digress too far here but I feel that it is important to understand that the focus of the Father's heart is love and compassion towards all.
If that is His focus then we need to be aware of all that is an enemy of loving and accepting others. Next time you have a conflict or are offended by someone, maybe you could pause and ask yourself if you are trying to serve two masters. What are you holding to? What are you despising?
And most importantly, when you are all by yourself and you find something in you that you despise or are offended by, do you let the Father embrace you? He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good. Are you willing to let the warm light of His total love and acceptance of you - all of you - hold you? Or will you hold to your ideals and despise what the Father loves so much that He sacrificed His one and only Son so that you and He wouldn't have to worry about ideals anymore?
I pray that you and I would receive the grace to know the depth of His lovingkindness towards us and the world.
